The moment you become a parent, you learn that it is a contest. No, scratch that. The contest begins when you are pregnant, so by the time you actually have the kid you should be pretty comfortable with competitive comparisons.
One of the worst is when you go for your baby’s well visits and the doctor gives you a print out showing how your child ranks according to head circumference, height and weight. I didn’t think much of this with my first kid, since she was consistently up in the 75th-90th% for everything, but my boy is a tiny dancer.
Yesterday was the 2 year old well visit, and he’s actually made it up to the 31st% for head circumference, and 39th% for height, but his weight is at the 7th. Poor little malnourished urchin.
The worst part, is that each time the doctor reads me his numbers, she’s like, “Oh, it’s okay! He’s just slender. You and your husband are slender, too. You’re a slender family!” Like she’s trying to make me feel better for something I really didn’t express any concern over.
I feel that this drawing accurately portrays how my child stacks up against the ideal American 2 year old: