When Grocery Stores Die

So you know how I’m a little obsessed with grocery shopping and grocery stores? Well, I am. I’m a strongly-opinionated grocery shopper. And I take my shopping seriously, not allowing couponing or other such nonsense to taint the pure experience of placing foodstuffs into my cart and sashaying down the aisles, bloated with satisfaction.

It was with great shrieking sobs of sadness that I received the news of my main grocery store’s untimely demise. It’s name is Dominick. I mean Dominick’s, and I’ve complained spittily about the store in the past, but that’s only because I’m a judgmental perfectionist, and I grew up with Wegmans.

Now that it’s going away I’m gonna miss that damn place.

The most appalling thing is that there are rumors of a discount grocery store moving in. At one point I heard that Whole Foods was sniffing out the location, which would be entirely satisfactory to me, but I can’t abide by walls of Chef Boy R Dee and wrinkled cucumbers and fake orange juice. I won’t do it, I say.

A little birdy told me that today was the day they would discount the booze. This changed everything. After all, old pappy Hoffower will be here on Thursday for a week, and he and my sis and I like to partake in a good Manhattan or 6 during the holiday season.

I dropkicked the kids off at their respective schools this morning and I put on my invisible people armor, and drove to Dominicks.

I braved my way through the parking lot of hell into the weirdest site I’ve ever seen in my whole entire life. People were SWARMING around the liquor, filling their carts with wines and spirits. It was stressful. There was a palpable mixture of hostility and guilt swirling around. After all, we were all there at 8:30am to buy booze, and that’s maybe a little pathetic?

Anyway, the Makers and Jack Daniels and even Woodford Reserve was all cleared out, so I nabbed a bottle of Bulleit Bourbon and tucked it into my cart. Here’s where I went a little holiday nutty: I was sort of thinking about how I only had 1 item in my cart, and it was an expensive item, even at the 30% discount. I contemplated putting it back on the shelf and getting the hell out of there, but then I spied the really cheap Pinot Grigio and grabbed three bottles.

booze

Somehow my pea brain justified buying the expensive bourbon as long as I was buying really cheap wine, because somehow that would balance it all out. That’s how I do math.

I stood behind a lady in line whose cart was filled with laundry detergent and wondered if she felt an enormous sense of satisfaction at stocking up on something so boring. I wanted to crack open the Bulleit and offer her a swig so she might come to her senses, but instead I leaned over my cart and read an article about how Google+ is much more awesome than Facebook.

The moral of this story is that it is really depressing to be in a grocery store that is going out of business, and one should never do it under any circumstances, unless one wants to stock up on a shitload of laundry detergent.

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  • idenagroban

    "invisible people armor"????? I must have this. I NEED THIS.

    We had a grocery store go out of business, and let me tell you, people will cut you for vanilla extract at 50% off. Don't even try going for the fancy oils and vinegars. It was dangerous and I am lucky to be alive.

    • http://tinyrottenpeanuts.com jeanette_nyberg

      Yes, the people armor is my favorite thing I have. I love it more than my children. Isn't it depressing to see all those empty grocery shelves?
      My recent post Just A Few Things About Lions

  • http://about100percent.com Andrea

    Wait wait wait just a minute. Booze was on sale? Was there anything left besides wine and bourbon? I need to know more about this. Laundry detergent lady probably went back after realizing her missed opportunity only to find out the shelves were cleared of peach schnapps.

    • http://tinyrottenpeanuts.com jeanette_nyberg

      There was lots of flavored vodka left, as well as some ekkahol that looked like fun candy! It was a quick lesson in what the good stuff was, and what was gross and never sold.

  • A Morning Grouch

    That is exactly how I do math! It added up, to me.
    My recent post Thank Goodness The Next Christmas Isn’t Until Next Year

    • http://tinyrottenpeanuts.com jeanette_nyberg

      Good. Math is stupid, anyway.

  • http://thestrategicmama.com vanita

    I love your sense of Math. Dorks cleared out all the Maker's huh? If there was a liquor store sale going on around here, you can bet your butt i'd be there before they open to make sure i got my faves. someone else will have to take the kiddos to school.
    My recent post Google Plus for Entrepreneurs: How To Reach Your Market

  • Georgina @ Craftulate

    Our local Dominick’s has just turned into a Jewel Osco. They’ve made it lighter, brighter and more spacious somehow. I went in when to check it out after it had been open a whole 30 minutes!

    • http://tinyrottenpeanuts.com/ Jeanette Nyberg

      You are so lucky- our Dominick’s has been sitting dormant and I’m sure squatters have moved in and are selling crazy sorts of drugs. I still have my fingers crossed for a Whole Foods….