How I Entertain Myself When Alone

Don’t worry. You needn’t avert your eyes.

I was staying in Denver for a few nights recently and it’s weird what happens when you are away from your children for a bit of time. Weird, I say.

Do you feel this way? Do you let loose a little and slowly unravel your shoulders, open up your ears and eyes, and take a huge breath?

I do! When I don’t have food and beverages and clothes to fetch, and I don’t have whining to quell, and spastic flying children and such, I let the hell loose.

Here’s how I do it.

1. I dye my hair.

mehair

2. I make up weird desserts like Peanut Butter Cookie Brownie Cups of Pure Vileness, and the easy-as-hell peanut butter chocolate chip spoon.

3. I talk to my dog. She looks at me like I’m an ass. I talk to her some more.

4. I stage impromptu photo shoots.

meteethwater

That’s pretty much it, other than a little bit of horrible yell-singing going on quite frequently. What sorts of embarrassingly weird things do you do when alone?

Tell me now.

 

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